I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
