you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
