My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
