it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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