respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
