u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
