So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
