I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
