I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
