Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
