You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
