some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
