you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
