next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
