I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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