I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
