After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
