Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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