wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my sisters under your porch take her home
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
