great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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