Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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