Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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