you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize