I CAN MOONWALK!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
