respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
