i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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