Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
