So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize