You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
