ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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