Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize