there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is Oprah even human
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
