guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
