So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
