Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Randomize
