Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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