Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
