He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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