No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
