Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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