Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
