Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
