My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
