i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You made out with two different species that night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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