sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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