Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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