See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize