You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
