Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We just shotgunned beers for America
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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