He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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