that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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