There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
