I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
