I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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