i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Are we still banned from the library?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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