so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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