my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just invented taco cereal.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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