Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize