just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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