How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
