Pants 0. Shit 1.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
