I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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