I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
