also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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