He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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