her vagine was all disorganized.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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