There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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