the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
