I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
