i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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