Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
