what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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