chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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