She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize