Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's always time for handjobs
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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