I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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