Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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