coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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