Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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