hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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