I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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