neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
