Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
