So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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