True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
