They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
