i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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