thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
