I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I smell like Dick and happiness
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
