mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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