I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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