sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
