Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
