Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize