I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
