Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
