Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize