I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
