I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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