I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
