he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
