He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
