she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize