Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
