there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
