There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
