remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
