I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
