remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
