just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
