Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
