i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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