So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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