This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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