He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
