i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
