Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
