butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
