Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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