So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
